THE AUTUMN OF MY FEELINGS

Silence... it's quiet outside... maybe because the night. It's quiet most of all in my head, in my mind. Until now my mind was some kind of Heathrow Airport where each moment ideas were taking off making space for others to land, some of them were crossing paths in the air. My MIND - the control tower, the airport.

When I'm walking the street I'm connected in a deep way to the nature that surrounds me. I believe I could stay, I don't know... a very long time in the middle of the nature, to listen to its song without getting bored. Recently I've discovered the connection of my being to the nature. 

Now it's Autumn  outside and inside myself. But this is not a bad thing at all! On the contrary! It's fantastic because each season has its role. I said that it's autumn inside of me because after the agitated and full of life summer, after the energy I'd received from the sun, now I'm ready.

My leaves had fallen. They were yellow and dry and old. My leaves - the ideas that I put on cement in my mind subconsciously, the program  which I operated in, that executable file that I run in the morning to wake up. It's kind of strange how, that life.exe was giving me more and more serious errors, I was near of throwing the computer off the window instead of debugging it.

Now, approaching November, I've lost many dried and yellow leaves. I feel like an naked tree who awaits the blistering winds. It's a strange feeling of quietness. 

Autumn gets you ready for the Winter. The Autumn of my feelings is preparing me for the hibernation of my self, the moment of me with me alone, grateful for the outcome, content with the moment of NOW.

The winter... the winter is the best thing could happen to us. We might complain that we are cold, that we do not have the food, that we are constrained to stay more in the house but it's something that the nature knows best - after the winter you are stronger, you are a winner. Death generates resurrection, every empty space generates abundance.

So, after I was emptied of preconceptions, judgments, mean thoughts, selfishness and most of all of fear, I'm patiently waiting for the winter. I'm waiting the winter when I'll shiver of loneliness, I'll be hungry of knowledge, I'll lock myself in the house of my soul and simply stay, think and feel the quietness, I'll know myself better, so as the first sunshine of spring bravely brakes though the clouds I will be reborn... for I don't know how many times now. I'll be prepared for that sun beam, to welcome it passionately into my soul and into my life, for it to feel how long I've waited for it, to feel its warmth and enjoy it.

Then I will be ready to show my new and green leaves, full of life, I will be strong when the sun will become merciless in the summer and I will love it more, because owed to the sun the seeds I put in the ground during the autumn and kept in the shelter during the winter revealed the most beautiful and full of life tree, and owed to the sun this tree will have the most beautiful fruits and the most rich harvest.

Now I'm looking outside through the autumn of my feelings.