MORCHEEBA - ENJOY THE RIDE

THE AUTUMN OF MY FEELINGS

Silence... it's quiet outside... maybe because the night. It's quiet most of all in my head, in my mind. Until now my mind was some kind of Heathrow Airport where each moment ideas were taking off making space for others to land, some of them were crossing paths in the air. My MIND - the control tower, the airport.

When I'm walking the street I'm connected in a deep way to the nature that surrounds me. I believe I could stay, I don't know... a very long time in the middle of the nature, to listen to its song without getting bored. Recently I've discovered the connection of my being to the nature. 

Now it's Autumn  outside and inside myself. But this is not a bad thing at all! On the contrary! It's fantastic because each season has its role. I said that it's autumn inside of me because after the agitated and full of life summer, after the energy I'd received from the sun, now I'm ready.

My leaves had fallen. They were yellow and dry and old. My leaves - the ideas that I put on cement in my mind subconsciously, the program  which I operated in, that executable file that I run in the morning to wake up. It's kind of strange how, that life.exe was giving me more and more serious errors, I was near of throwing the computer off the window instead of debugging it.

Now, approaching November, I've lost many dried and yellow leaves. I feel like an naked tree who awaits the blistering winds. It's a strange feeling of quietness. 

Autumn gets you ready for the Winter. The Autumn of my feelings is preparing me for the hibernation of my self, the moment of me with me alone, grateful for the outcome, content with the moment of NOW.

The winter... the winter is the best thing could happen to us. We might complain that we are cold, that we do not have the food, that we are constrained to stay more in the house but it's something that the nature knows best - after the winter you are stronger, you are a winner. Death generates resurrection, every empty space generates abundance.

So, after I was emptied of preconceptions, judgments, mean thoughts, selfishness and most of all of fear, I'm patiently waiting for the winter. I'm waiting the winter when I'll shiver of loneliness, I'll be hungry of knowledge, I'll lock myself in the house of my soul and simply stay, think and feel the quietness, I'll know myself better, so as the first sunshine of spring bravely brakes though the clouds I will be reborn... for I don't know how many times now. I'll be prepared for that sun beam, to welcome it passionately into my soul and into my life, for it to feel how long I've waited for it, to feel its warmth and enjoy it.

Then I will be ready to show my new and green leaves, full of life, I will be strong when the sun will become merciless in the summer and I will love it more, because owed to the sun the seeds I put in the ground during the autumn and kept in the shelter during the winter revealed the most beautiful and full of life tree, and owed to the sun this tree will have the most beautiful fruits and the most rich harvest.

Now I'm looking outside through the autumn of my feelings.

STARDUST...

A beautiful story about dreams come true, about following your path, about unconditioned fearless love.

NO STAR CAN SHINE WITH A BROKEN HEART.

ABOUT CREATION

What would I be when I choose to laugh about I do not understand? What would my name be when, from the higher position I think I’m standing, I’m ironically looking down upon other people? BLIND? MUTE? DEAF? Have I lost my sensibility? LOST?

To me the human nature seems so fascinating for the capacity of adapting so good to different situations, to survive somehow. A part of humankind choose to evolve, to fulfill themselves, to become great and to make themselves heard through their creation; on the other hand there are people who, unfortunately, think that greatness comes form the power of subjecting those whom they consider weak. Why do I have to work to create something when I can easily destroy or “divide et impera” – like Romans would say? This way the whole world will remember me for sure!

I have stopped for a second and listen to the world’s music... and I’ve remembered what am I and what am I for.

Since my childhood I was told about the creation of this world: how God created man after Himself and He gave the man the free choice of things. But that particular gift was too much for the mankind, and humans got themselves into a big dark gap.

Many have imagined God like a merciless master, who put all mankind under some rules and if you somehow disobey those rules you will end up burning in hell.

I’ve imagined Him always sad and crying like a father for His lost child, like a father who sees His son destroying himself, a father who is reaching to His son but the son’s ego don’t let him see the father’s hand and passes by not even feeling the hand.

Our egos became so big that we do not see the way home. Our egos got us blind so hard we do not see the creation even if is simple in front of us.

I’ve stopped for a second to hear the music of this world…and I’ve looked around me. What have I seen? Children born into this world out of pain not out of love. Children are angels born into this world to teach us love. 
How many children are conceived out of pure love? And I do not mean love when the mother and the father felt some physical attraction and conceived a child. 
How many parents feel that their children are gifts from God and not somebody useful, somebody to give a glass of water when they are old and need help? How many parents stop and listen to their children? How many parents are looking to their children with their soul’s eyes, accepting them as they are and loving them without trying to transform them in their own failed images in time? 
How many adults have the courage to admit that are people smarter and better that themselves? How many adults have the courage to accept that a child can be a genius? What are we doing with those angels that are sent to save our souls? We are trying to make them like us, like our full of fear souls. We are sending them in schools to fit into the system, schools that are trying and succeeding to wipe out any trace of originality out of them, that are succeeding to wipe the human within a man. We do not care anymore. We are making a child because this and that, and after that we are making another child, and after that an accident occurs and another child appears. But no, there is no problem because when a child is surviving, the other children can survive… no matter how. Isn't that so!?

Why people want to have children by all means? Out of their egos? To be like any other person and feel whole?

After all it’s not about the children, it’s about us. And that fact it’s seen in them, it’s seen in the way their eyes do not purely glow anymore, the way their innocent eyes are not so innocent anymore. You can only see the frustration of their parents in them. Because a child gives what he receives, and unlike the adults, he is not capable to build up masks in order to hide.

When a child receives pure and unconditioned love in his family that child won’t lose his innocence. Why are there children with big egos? They look up to us and follow. They are our image in the mirror.

We play The Creator without being prepared for it.

Why aren’t we looking inside of us, why don’t we choose to heal ourselves before multiplying?

God gave us the gift of procreation to fill this planet and He gave us this gift to learn something from it, to teach us greatness.

You, all mothers who choose to kill your children being ashamed of having them or out of fear of not being capable to feed them and raising them, you all mothers that choose to abandon them out of cowardice or you women who choose to give birth to a child in order to keep a man next to you, you fathers who do not care about the women beside you, women that offer their love and a most precious gift, a little tree planted in the Garden of Life, a tree that both of you, equally, have to look after and love! Yes, you all! Wake up! Look at yourselves and at the repercussions of your deeds!

Each coin has two sides, each deed will be repaid.

I have always felt that I came into this world with a certain purpose. It is also true that I haven’t always known what it was.

We are not random created beings forgotten somewhere in a galaxy.

We are here to live the experience of creation in order to be truly whole, understanding and experiencing love in all its forms. How better way to experience love than being a human?

What if, instead of criticizing others trying so hard to make them feel small, we build up within ourselves and take care of our own yard?

Those who find answers to my questions here or at least my questions made them think are lucky. I’m wishing you all to discover that you are like them... lucky!

FOR THE CHILD WITHIN ME

The 3rd of July 2009. It was pouring in Bucharest. It was a storm by all means. A summer rain with lightnings and thunders and a pretty strong wind. It was exactly how I've wished a couple of days before. So, here I am. My wish came true.

I was returning home and it was about 8.30 PM. As I was getting out from the subway I felt the rain - the air smelled like rain. All people were trying to find shelter somehow, but no Mister, not me! Wherever you would've found the shelter the rain would've got you. Mister Wind took care of that particular matter. While escalators were carrying me to the surface I've prepared my umbrella and with a big smile upon my face I said to myself "That's perfect! This is exactly what I've wished for few days ago!" I haven't hesitated for a second. I've opened my umbrella and started to walk very relaxed through the storm. In a very short while my shoes were like two full of water boats in the middle of the lake. So I thought - why am I trying to avoid all the puddles? It is useless anyway! I knew very well the sidewalk because that is the road to my workplace and I was pretty sure there are no gaps in the sidewalk. The street was empty. All people found shelter somewhere. My Caribbean blue umbrella had a pure aesthetic role in that frenzy of nature. Until I reached the corner of the street the storm got mad, very mad. That made me smile a little more: "So! That's your revenge for defying you, for not being afraid of you?!Is this all that you can!". I've let myself hit by those big drops that were coming from all over. The child within me was ecstatic. I couldn't remember last time I was walking in the rain. I was a kid and I couldn't care less if my T-shirt and my socks were soaking wet.

I tried to challenge a little the storm and I thought it will be fun to hide for a while in a gang. It was in vain! A gust of wind has projected the raindrops on my back saying "Don't run away from me! I will get you anyway!". For a moment I thought to hide from it, but no! A game is a game! Either you play it or you stay home. So I raised the stake and closed my umbrella.

I felt so good! I was like shouting "Where are all the kids? Why isn't anybody dancing in the rain?".

This rain was like washing away all my worries, all the tension.

That day was for me a day for the child I was, that I forgot to be, to the child I will learn to be... again. A child without worries, a child that loves and enjoys life and a child who's only purpose is to find little treasures.

LARA FABIAN - Mistral Gagnant

note: Mistral Gagnant are some candy with a surprise in it just like lottery tickets - winners or not.

"It is said that our souls are waiting for a while before coming back at Earth
So it is said
I'm thinking sometimes about the child within me
And about waiting
And about being afraid for it...
 
To sit on a bench five minutes, with you
To watch all people as many as they are here
To tell you about the past and the future
To take in my hand your little fingers
And after that to feed the stupid pigeons
until they'll swell
To follow them
To hear your laugh that makes the walls shake
That knows how to heal my wounds
To tell you a little how was when I was a child
About the wonderful lollipops that we were stolen from the seller
The jelly and the mint candy, and the caramel candy for one franc
And the winning Mistrals.


To walk with you through the rain for five minutes
To see the life as it is
To tell you about the Earth until you get so amazed
To tell you also about your mother
And then to jump into puddles and make you grumble
To wear out our shoes ruined by water and make fun of it
And to listen to your laughter as I listen to the sea
To stop and then run backwards
And to tell you especially about the caramel candy and the old times candy
And about the real candy that were cutting our lips
And they were sticking to our teeth
And about the winning Mistrals.


To sit down on a bench with you
To watch the sun go down
To tell you about the old times from the past and after that
not to care anymore
To tell you that we are not bad people
And if I am a bird it's because of your eyes
That they are lucky for being two
To hear your laughter flying so high
As the songs of the birds
And finally to tell you have to love life
To love it even though time is a killer
And takes with him the laughter of the children
And the wining Mistrals, and the wining Mistrals."

(Lyrics translated from French)

LUCKY

I'm lucky! Yes, really, I am very lucky! No no nooo! I haven't won the Lottery, I do not have a car right now and an apartment of my own. I have only one room at my mom's that I share it with my son. But ... I am lucky. 

Why? I am lucky because I was born without problems and without birth defects, I had a childhood full of games and joy, because I went to school and I was able to learn many wonderful things, that other children want to learn but have no possibility. I am lucky because I'm smart and beautiful and I have a family that helped me develop as I am now.

I am lucky because I have friends who take me as I am and support me even when I'm bitter and they grabbed me when I was about to fall, not turning their backs on me.

I'm lucky I am able to offer pure and unconditional love and because I was and still am loved. 

I am grateful I am living in a country where is peace and that I have a place to stay. 

I am lucky because I can travel and see places absolutely beautiful. 

The miracles are often next to us but we have problems with the closer view - we see well only at a distance, when we approach the point that was on the horizon and it is closer we're not seeing well. 

I'm lucky I can dream and I can turn my dreams into reality. 

I 'm lucky because every day is special and every day I find a treasure (a new song, meet new people, discover new feelings in people that I already knew, I discover myself and I'm always new).

Lucky by Jason Mraz

Do you hear me?! I'm talking to you!
Across the water, across the deep blue ocean,
Under the open sky,
Oh my baby I'm trying.

Boy I hear you in my dreams,
I feel your whisper across the sea,
I keep you with me in my heart,
You make it easyer when life gets hard.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend,
Lucky I have been where I have been,
Lucky to be comming home again... Ooh, ooh, ooh

They don't know how long it takes,
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say good-bye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend,
Lucky I have been where I have been,
Lucky to be comming home again.

Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be comming home some day

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair.

Through the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keep spinning 'round
You hold me right here, right now.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend,
Lucky I have been where I have been,
Lucky to be comming home again.

Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be comming home some day.

WE ARE THE SAME IN OUR ESSENCE BUT DIFFERENT BY PARTICULARITIES

We are what we feel in our soul we truly are, though we allow others to tell us who and what we are. We accept so easily the characterization of people around us and we accept it with serenity. 

If you keep repeat to a child that is stupid finally that kid will end up stupid. We often come to be  criticized by people who know nothing about us, people that just do not like us. Similarly, in our turn, we criticize the people around us without knowing them, without knowing the circumstances in which they acted, why were they dressed in a certain way today, why are they eating with the left instead of right and examples would be many.

Why is so difficult for us to accept diversity?  How would the world be if we all have the same preferences? Or how would the world be in one color, and clothes made of a single model, so the shoes and all things around? Would we like a uniform world ? I bet not. 

And then, as we enjoy the variety we get at the market when we want to buy apples, we like Jonathan apples but wanting to taste the golden apples too, so we can rejoice that we are different as individuals and as preferences. 

I think the impediment comes from angle of the question. Instead we think "hmm, what taste does she or he has!" we could be glad that we have different tastes and we can share the experiences.

I've exercised this when I walked down the street. I saw a fat girl and the first impulse was "Poor her!She's so big!". Then I realized that I fall in the same trap. I corrected myself thinking "She is different and there is nothing wrong with being different." 

Market economy works best when the offer is diverse and there are more bidders so many tastes will be satisfied, as a rough example. 

Instead dealing with labeling and criticizing others we can do more for us developing our interior so that we can fill with love the gaps from which the evil is born. Voids generates frustration, and frustration causes evil. 

When the gaps and darkness inside of us will be filled with light and knowledge then we have evolved. When I am satisfied with myself that can be seen outside, I constantly send the message "I am happy! I am pleased with myself!" and then people not only that will not avoid me, they will search for my company. 

The best thing a human can do is to love himself, to spend some time with himself, to respect himself, to do the things that more pleases him and feels joy doing them, not searching for who is to blame for the wrong decisions. 

Most certainly we will not feel attracted by the flowers wilted or dried trees. When we feel alone we better wonder objective and detached "Am I a wilted flower or a dried tree? What can I do to revert to a beautiful flower?" Feed myself. Feed myself with healthy food both physically and spiritually. 

In essence we are created the same, only form and color is different, that does not  automatically degrade us. Our quality is given by how much we invest in ourselves. 

Let's be better starting NOW.

I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY

Yes! It's not a book title! There are my own words: I choose to be happy! Some might say: yeah...right... easy to say...but... . And there's always a "but". Of course you can always choose to postpone and there's always a condition. I was there. I know how it feels.
There was a time when I promised myself I will be pleased after high-school and after I will be admitted by the college I wanted to attend to. That didn’t happen right away so I was many years so unhappy. I also promised myself that I will be happy when I’ll find my soul mate and have my own family. Was I happy?! Of course, but only for a short time - a year or two – until we had the first argument, and after that the second. I was telling to myself: must be the money and when we’ll have no money shortage and our home we’ll be in peace and happy. That happened too and guess what?! It wasn’t enough! Nothing has changed. My peacefulness and happiness were far away because they had always depend on things from outside of me - variable things. 

Let's take it one at a time: I graduated the high-school and I've tried four times at the college without any success. Not only I wasn't happy, I was miserable because I wasn't doing it for me, I was doing it for my parents, for making them proud, to demonstrate I am somebody and I have a value. For failing that I felt such a loser. I found myself a job not to be a burden for my parents. My preparation for college exams were

pretty expensive and I couldn't stand the simple thought of not helping them. I was unhappy because I wanted more and more and more... I wanted to prove that I am somebody, I wanted to prove that I ain't nobody. I started to blame my parents for

failing and in the same time I was afraid to let them down. I've always considered they had set higher standards for me. They couldn't possibly understand me.

I wanted somebody to understand me, a "he" to live happily ever and after with, to cherish and to love me. No relationship worked out. I already had an opinion about relationships: all sucks. And men.... oooh! Men were incapable of loving. And guess what kind of men I found! Only this kind!

At a given moment appeared a man a little bit different from others and I made him responsible with my happiness. I was wrong this time too. 

Something was missing. I wasn't happy. I kept my sadness for myself, blaming myself for choosing wrong: "You chose! It's your fault, you deal with consequences! You have no right to cry!" 

Here I started to carry my cross. I was keeping deep inside of me each discontent, each reproach I was about to launch,  being afraid not to upset the man I was living with. And this was not enough because I was letting him to treat me bad and I wasn't fighting back because I thought I somehow deserve it. I suck it all like a sponge, but one day the sponge couldn't take no more and I said "Enough is enough!" and I fought back suddenly. 

I said to myself "I don't want to walk this path no more". My reaction was a surprise to all people close to me. They thought I was happy. They knew my mask, my mask of joy and funny jokes, and getting along with everybody.

I chose another way, another path, and I left the man I shared my life with for some time knowing that alone will be better.

It was more quiet and without fighting but I wasn't happy. I started to blame myself for my bad decisions and for all these lost in vain years. Instead of peace I was full of hate, more and more hate. And this wasn't the worse scenario because my attitude influenced my relationships everywhere.

I started to ask myself some questions: can a human being can be truly happy on this planet?! Is happiness an utopia? Is there love and happiness only in books and movies? Why in the world have I was brought to life? 

Inside of me was a huge tornado, a hurricane of thoughts and doubts. I was depressed, full of hate and feeling helpless. I had some panic attacks. I had no idea of who I am.

Then I met an angel in human body. Her name is Nico and she's a self help coach. She was so patient with me and showed me such much love and understanding and helped me find answers to my questions. 

I've learned to find the good part from each experience, even that we consider bad experiences. I started to be grateful that things had happened the way they had, and the big picture is I am who I am because of all of these experiences. 

Because of that I chose to be happy here and now, not tomorrow, not when I'll get my home back, not when I'll have a car, not when I'll have the driver's licence, not when I'll get a rise at work, not when I'll get rid of debts, not when I'll find my soul mate but HERE AND NOW!

I am happy for each morning I wake up. I look outside the window and I feel lucky I live in a world so complex, a world that can teach me so many extraordinary things. I am happy I have friends that care about me. I am happy I can go to work every day. I am lucky having a great team at work. I am happy I can do whatever I like, and I feel free. I enjoy every leaf, flower, cloud, rain drop, sunbeam, smile, tear. I stumble and then I rise again. I have no useless worries. I am not afraid of tomorrow anymore because this is the real life.

I am happy here and now because I can see, I can hear, I can smell, I can taste, I can feel, I can love and because I am loved.

LIFE IS A JOURNEY

I was recently conscious that the rhythm which we live our lives with it looks like a marathon competition. For passing the finish line you need practice and a strong will. 

But what is the matter after all? We run! We run and run and forget about the people we meet, forget the nature that surrounds us and loves us, we forget to enjoy as much the sunshine as the rain drops. 

I’m experiencing a great revelation: our life is like a journey. Who leaves home and sabotage his/her own vacation? 

I’ve been lost for too long, not-knowing what to believe and which road to choose, who to trust. 

As a traveler I stop and enjoy the fields filled with flowers, the shadow of the trees in the middle of the summer, the breathe of a cool wind, the songs of summer birds, a rain drop... 

I’m grateful for all these wonders of the world and I’m grateful for my life, for I can see,hear, taste, smell, feel. I am so happy for beginning my journey I feel to shout for the top of my lungs „I AM HAPPY, I AM ALIVE!”, I wish all could share this feeling with me. 

I’ve stopped running. Now I’m walking, experimenting, scouting new paths, give love... I am happy for the smallest flower, I am happy for hearing the voice of the Earth, I’m happy being me. 

What a wonderful journey! Extraordinary people cross paths with me!

I’m lucky and I’m on vacation: I CAN DO EVERYTHING!

Each time I feel like running I hear the alarm: „Hey! You’re in vacation! Enjoy! Learn something from it and always do things you love!”.